Friday, April 28, 2006

Fu-cus!

I absolutely cannot focus on anything today, let alone work.

I think it's mostly because it's Friday, and sunny, and I had this weird breakfast thing at 9 that completely through my whole day for a loop.

I know that it's only 2:30 and I should be doing something constructive, like work I don't want to be doing next week when I have to stay late.

Because the truth is, we are very, very far behind and I'm not helping the situation by being the only other employee besides my boss, all the while surfing the internet and checking my email a hundred times.

But, this is logical, and my body and brain aren't jiving with that, so I'm still sitting here writing this damn blog post because I can't bring myself to do anything that would be considered a task or duty for which I get paid to do.

Uhh Yeah

I'm not really in the mood to write, but feel bad not doing so.

Not much is going on. We interviewed someone for my job today and they seem like a good candidate.

I got to eat a bagel and lox for breakfast, gratis.

It looks beautiful outside, though I think still cool.

I'm going to type up my letter of resignation and make my official last day June 23rd.

I only have two more Fridays of bowling...forever.

We leave for NYC in 17 days to find a place to live.

I got to see two old co-workers last night, which was really nice.

I'm debating whether or not to go to the Pinback concert by myself this Sunday night.

I can't wait for this work day to be over with.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Sometimes I Really Suck

Last night I ate West African food with three old co-workers and a college buddy.

I always enjoy myself when I'm with these girls because they are all so unique. I like how our conversations weave in and out from funny to serious, covering all sorts of topics.

One of them gave me a card with money inside for our move. The card was really sweet and it gave me the idea to write all of my friends little notes before I move, a kind of reminder to keep in touch.

As I read the card, especially the parts about how she feels we've really connected and cherishes our bond, I remembered what a selfish person I have been through some of our friendship.

About a year ago, she was pretty sick and had to have surgery on her eyes. She was laid up and asked for new music or things to do while she was at home in bed. I never checked up on her, never burned her the CD I said I would, never visited, never sent flowers. I just pretended it wasn't happening, ignored it and eventually pushed it so far out of my mind, it was as if it never happened.

It's even more horrible that it's taken until now for me to realize how awful I was.

I know I can't make it up to her now, but I'm promising that when I write a note for her that I'll apologize and acknowledge what I did.

She deserved much better than that from me, and I let her down.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Chicken and Potatoes

I know I'm just starting to get a little more adventurous with my cooking, but sometimes the results are disappointing.

I think it's all of the build-up: picking out a recipe, shopping for the items, prep time, cooking time, etc. And when the results aren't fabulous, you feel deflated.

Monday night I attempted two recipes out of Rachel Ray's "Around the Clock" cookbook. Both were simple and seemed tasty: garlic rosemary chicken and pesto smashed potatoes.

Instead, they both came out rather flavorless and kinda "meh".

It sort of takes the fun out of cooking, especially since I have no idea how to improve on either, except maybe to add butter.

I did, however, make a pretty good batch of sugar cookies. Baked goods are probably the most fun to make.

Aiyee

Sorry for the non-post yesterday.

I came into work after coming off a lovely day off and was bombarded with all kinds of shit. My neck had a crick by 9 a.m. and it was pretty much downhill from there.

I was here until 7:30 last night and will be here till around 6:30 tonight.

The back up from work is finally catching up on us and working with a staff cut in half is slowly killing me.

The good thing is I have a lot to look forward to, like dinner out with girl friends tonight, drinks with co-workers tomorrow, and a Bulls playoff game on Sunday with my dad.

Plus, coming home to Boat every night isn't so bad either. =)

Monday, April 24, 2006

Friday-Sunday

-Missed my friend's birthday party =-Watched "The Tale of Two Sisters"
-Went to a thrift store on 51st and Kedzie
-Enjoyed chicken at Feed
-Indulged in a sundae at Baskin Robbins
-Watched the Bulls (lose, but fight hard)
-Made S'mores
-Walked around Lincoln Square
-Looked through boxes of records (didn't find anything)
-Decided against a pair of cute shoes at Payless
-Grilled bratwursts for lunch
-Took a long nap
-Watched Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Old Woman In Me

Last night I sat around with three other girls making CARDS using STAMPS and COLORED PAPER.

It was a lot of fun.

It was even more fun because my friend's sister (who coordinated this whole "I'm selling you this stuff, but not being pushy about it at all, to the point that you won't even know it's a sales pitch" disguised as a "Craft Night")cut all of my paper into perfect strips and squares, picked all of the colors and even put my stamps together.

Therefore, my card is a virtual masterpiece and a completely acceptable piece of art to send to Boat's mom as a thank you.

So now you can add it to the following list:

1) Drinking tea : Check
2) Knitting (infrequently and rather poorly) : Check
3) Going to bed before 11 : Check
4) Saying things like "it's too loud/smoky/crowded" in here" : Check
5) Avoiding loud/smoky/crowded places all together : Check
6) Looking for "comfortable" shoes
7) Consuming 3 or less drinks on drinking occasions: Check
8) Cooking more : Check
9) Wondering what's wrong with kids today : Check
10) Complaining about traffic, gas prices, health insurance : Check

Thank you

Here's a little thank you to those who've introduced and reintroduced me to some good music.

-IJD: Phoenix, Tahiti 80, Rilo Kiley, Maria Taylor, Oranger, Outhud
-TH: Death Cab for Cutie, Pinback, Ida
-EmC: The Reindeer Section, Edith Frost, Blonde Redhead
-MM: The Avalanches, Radiohead, The Postal Service
-EKH: Mates of State, Outkast
-TL: Ani DiFranco, Bjork
-JM: The Strokes, Artful Dodger
-BR: Daft Punk
-SAT: Owen
-RP: Liz Phair
-AM: M. Ward
-RD: Le Tigre
-EWB: Elliot Smith
-BK: Sufjan Stevens

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Damn

Recently I've made two new friends that I'm really bummed to have met so close to our planned move.

I know I've said this before, but it really is hard to meet quality people at this age.

It's strange how the ability to create relationships with people evolves outside of high school and college. It's not that I don't want to be friends with people from the past, but things change.

There are plenty of people I miss and wish were still in my life. I know in some of these situations it's my own fault that we've drifted apart.

There are such limited places we are introduced to new people. Both of my new friends are from work. Outside of that, I'm not sure how else I would make friends.

Anyway, I'm sad that I won't be able to hang out with these girls once I leave Chicago and I sincerely hope I meet others just like them in the Big Apple.

What If

Boat just emailed me to say he received somewhat of a promotion. The pay increase is rather significant and with my raise back in November, we would be in a great spot financially if we were staying in Chicago.

But we're not.

This hasn't changed my mind in any way about our planned move, but it does make me wonder "what if".

What if we were staying? My dad already offered to help us buy a place. We'd both be making a comfortable salary. We could save for fun vacations. We could buy new furniture.

We would be more than comfortable.

But we'd be very settled.

Both of us are often at our wits end with our current jobs. I don't think either of us could hang on very much longer, even with our increased pay. Neither of us are ready to buy a condo and say "this is home...permanently for awhile".

It's true, the uncertaintly of New York looms over my head a lot lately, fueled by daily questioning from friends and family about what's going on, and the constant voice in my head reminding that we still don't have jobs or a place to live.

The growing savings account has been amazing and I see all I could do with this money, including paying off my credit card.

Yet I'm determined to keep moving forward. This move isn't about financial stability or finding a place to settle down. It's about adventure, trying something new and learning some life lessons on being the independent person I've been trying to be for nine years now.

The Manifestation of Stress

I can't seem to relax these days.

Even lying in bed with my eyes closed, trying to take deep breaths is near impossible.

I feel on edge. Even when I try to look forward to things, the moment I'm actually doing them, they aren't as enjoyable.

It's weird to feel myself transitioning from anxious to manic to depressed all in one night. I know it's not entirely base-less, but at the same time, I wish there was something more I could do to control it.

Also, I've been looking for something or someone to somehow relieve me of this burden, mostly Boat. Obviously he can't stop the changes in my mood or make it all better.

I'm not sure any quick fix will really work. But I'm taking next Monday off anyway and I hope that helps a bit.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Daddy's Girl

I forgot to mention that last night's meeting was with a company that my dad and I used to work for.

My dad was a bit of a celebrity there, going around to different offices to teach new employees the ins and out of the biz.

Once he was on an airplane and got to talking with a guy next to him. Somehow they exchanged names and he said to my dad "Oh! You are the God of [insert name of company here]".

My dad acts like it's ridiculous, but I know not so deep down he felt pretty cool at that moment.

The thing is, he's good at what he does. He doesn't have a college degree and worked himself up over the last thirty years to become one of very few within the industry to do what he does.

I don't mean to brag...it's just a strange and funny feeling to feel like a celebrity's daughter in these random situations.

And truthfully, it makes me proud.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Free Stuff

The summer after I graduated, I was working as an intern for a fairly large radio station. One of my duties was to help the promotions people out, showing up at various events to pass things out.

We had a large prize wheel which people could spin for free stuff. I couldn't believe how utterly thankless people were, asking if they could exchange their prize for something else, or whining that we only had large t-shirts left.

I hate when I'm walking down the street and someone is giving out free gum or Listerine strips. I do what I can to avoid them.

At my job, there are vendors who give out tons of free pens, candy, post-it notes and other nonsense. I see collegues grab handfuls of stuff, dumping them into overfilled plastic bags. My favorite are the ones who wait until the vendor turns their back before swiping up whatever's on display.

I hate mail-in rebates. I don't sign up for credit cards to get free stuff. And outside of Clinique Bonus Time, the appeal of "free" doesn't usually get to me.

However.

Tonight I'm going to a consultation with a financial advsior, all in the name of a $25 gift certificate to one of my favorite restaurants. It's sad. It's pathetic. It's free food. I know I should feel ashamed for the lengths I'm obviously willing to go for a free meal.

But hey, at least I'm thankful. =)

Unfinished Business

Everything feels very up in the air, which makes me anxious/manic.

There's not much I can do other than wait things out and that's driving me crazy.

Stupid things, like the fact that I haven't gotten a car wash or figured out what I'm going to make for dinner tonight have me on edge.

I need to learn how to calm down.

I don't know much about feng shui, but my office needs a major rehaul. At least, my desk needs to be cleaned off and organized, papers need to be thrown away or or filed, and in general, the place needs some sprucing up.

My co-worker's office is haven. He has it painted a deep green. He doesn't use the overhead ultraviolet lights, but has his own lamps. He has picture frames and posters to make it feel more like home. There is a small rack for his CD's. He always offers up a handful of dried cranberries or some scented lotion to moisturize. I love it in there.

I wish my office could be like that. And it will...once I leave here.

Monday, April 17, 2006

The Sinner in All of Us

Boat's younger brother is fairly religious...at least more so than most people I'm related to or friends with.

He attends a Catholic college where he goes to church everyday for an hour and a half.

That sounds like hell on Earth to me, but he seems to enjoy it.

Over the weekend he made a remark that alluded to his problem with gays. At first I thought he was joking because I can't remember the last time I was near anyone who would have a problem with homosexuality, especially from the point of view of the Catholic church.

But no, he was serious.

Of course, to some degree, I respect other's opinions. Yet, there are some that I really don't understand.

I don't think I'll ever live by a philosophy created by a group of people, or book, or organization. I like to have my own opinions and thoughts on things, even though sometimes they are offbase of hypocritical.

I guess I have a hard time figuring out how anyone can truly be sinless. It seems near impossible. Plus, isn't there a certain amount of sin in judging people?

I have an even bigger problem with the concept of how you CAN sin, as long as you apologize.

Huh?

Anyway, maybe I'm unlike 90% of the world who believe in some sort of God or higher being. But for once in my life, I don't mind being in the minority.

Easter Weekend 2006

-Ate a very delicious bacon cheeseburger
-Gambled $30 at a casino in the Quad Cities and lost it all, but had fun
-Slept in a king size bed
-Got to skip church
-Received a pretty bracelet from Boat's mom
-Felt like a glutton at Easter brunch because no one went back for seconds.
-Indulged in "Whitey's" (::cringe::) ice cream, topped with butterscotch.
-Played with Boat's nephew (he's starting to walk!)
-Looked at baby pictures of Boat
-Rode through an insane downpour
-Partook in a Nachos Bell Grande
-Watched Law and Order: Criminal Intent
-In bed by 10

Friday, April 14, 2006

To Do

1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my blog:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:

PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your blog so i can tell you what i think of you.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

What's So Special About...

1) Lindsay Lohan
2) Blackberry's
3) Kate Spade
4) Bottled Water
5) New sushi restaurants
6) Big ass sunglasses
7) Blonde hair
8) The Arcade Fire
9) Short shorts
10) Power Point presentations

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Who Wants To Play Hooky With Me?

I'm thinking brunch (HAHA), maybe a matinee later in the afternoon...

Anyone looking to call in sick sometime soon?

My Beef With Brunch

Several weeks ago, I enjoyed a lovely brunch with friends, AM, EWB and DB.

We decided to try Ina's on Randolph. My cousin said great thing about it, and I love breakfast.

If I really thought about it, I don't actually like brunch, I just like eating breakfast around 11 on Sundays, which is interpreted as the breakfast lunch hybrid at most trendy restaurants.

I say this because I RARELY opt for lunch at brunch. Unless it's a buffet brunch, like the kind we used to go to at TJ's in the purple Radisson. Then I would dabble in this and that, especially the dessert table.

Anyway.

My problem with this whole phenomenon is that inevitably, you have to wait. And I don't mean for ten or fifteen minutes, I mean thirty or forty, or even an hour. It all seems so wrong, seeing as it, I skipped breakfast, held off till it was closer to lunch, so I could partake in both. Which means I am now STARVING and in no mood to stand in a line waiting for my name to be called.

It really puts a damper on the social aspect of the meal when four people are standing around one another, hungry, and getting increasingly irritated.

What I love most is how many of these new restaurants that have opened up recently are small as hell, or at least, the design team made no effort to create a waiting area.

At Bongo Room I've had to either walk down to Burger King to grab a coffee, or peruse the shops next store (much to their benefit), because there's no fucking way I'm going to stand outside in January. No. Fucking. Way.

Other places, you're practically on top of those already seated, inhaling all of those great smells, watching as they take in bitefuls of fancy eggs and dressed up pancakes.

When it's all said and done, sometimes I wish I had just gone to one of the lesser known places for an omelet, since that's all I really wanted in the first place.

Fears: Big and Small

1) The dentist
2) Weighing more that 150 pounds ("not that there's anything wrong with that")
3) Balding
4) Cancer
5) Never being truly happy with my job
6) Dying alone
7) Seeing my parents age
8) Looking back on life with regret
9) Home sickness
10) Cockroaches and spiders

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Oil and Sugar, Frying and Baking

I must say, I'm quite pleased with my cooking last night.

The pork tonkatsu turned out way better than last time (in which I undercooked the inside, overcooked the outside). There's nothing like dipping something in an egg and deep frying it in a few inches of canola oil. No, really, it's awesome.

The sugar cookies taste delicious, though were a huge pain in the ass to make once I decided to roll them out and use the cute cookie cutters I was given years ago. It doesn't help when you don't own a rolling pin...or a wire rack to cool your cookies.

And I was even more perturbed when I realized I had skipped the "Melt In Your Mouth Sugar Cookie" recipe a few pages back and instead created the "roll out" sugar cookies, which aren't nearly as decadent. I mean, anything with shortening is already going to make it better...right?

I patted myself on the back for making a simple frosting: powdered sugar, milk and a little vanilla. I didn't end up buying food coloring, so they are boring looking, but at least they are in the shape of butterflies and tulips.

I don't think Boat or our roommate were necessarily impressed with the spring-looking treats, but they seemed pleased with the taste.

The moral of the story: you can make unhealthy food at home and in large, uncontrollable portions.

The end.

Monday, April 10, 2006

She's Crafty!

All of my friends are insanely talented when it comes to the craft department.

CM makes earrings, RD designs clothing, EWB knits fabulous purses and other items, AM hosts a craft night every so often with her mom, IM sews, knits, draws, designs and basically kicks ass in all things art and EMc creates amazing food stuffs and knits up professional looking baby blankets.

These are the same girls who dress distinctively and have an eye for the unique and classic. They are the girls who find all of the best things at the secondhand store and adorn their homes with antique pieces or handmade art. They're the girls at the party that you wish someone would introduce you to because you know they are probably interesting.

I, on the otherhand, have barely gotten past scarves. Dinner might taste OK, but never looks food stylist ready. I dress like an Old Navy ad. And forget about drawing or painting...or even coloring within the lines.

Come to think of it, I have no idea why they are even friends with me!

I may have some music ability. And yeah, I can bowl a decent game.

But man, I wish I had an artistic bone in my body.

Culinary Attempts

One of my favorite things to eat at Sunshine Cafe is their tofu salad.

It seems simple enough: tofu, tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce. However, it is served with a deceivingly complex dressing, which I believe contains soy sauce, ginger, sesame oil(?), sugar, and other things which make it delicious.

Thinking I could somehow create it at home, I bought all of the ingredients to the salad and attempted to make the dressing. Mmm, not so great. I'm hoping a night in the fridge and a good stir will help it, but so far, the sesame oil is overwhelming.

Other things I will be (trying to) mak(e)ing this week:

-Sugar cookies
-Pork tonkatsu
-Chicken Donburi

I may attempt curry fried rice.

Also, I bought a packet of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing in an effort to make it low fat, yet tasty (because lowfat ranch just never tastes that great). The directions call for milk and mayonaise. Now, using skim milk is no problem, but I foresee a taste glitch if I use anything but regular mayo. Someone on Chowhound's suggested fat free sour cream, and I am intrigued.

I'll let you know how it goes.

In other food news, my goal is to eat salad for lunch this whole week.

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth?

One thing I hate about my job is repeating myself.

Truth be told, the whole purpose of my job is to repeat myself, so that should explain a lot.

But what truly gets under my skin is repeating myself to the same person. I'm not talking once or twice. I'm talking three or four times.

Either people don't want to listen or I'm just a terrible explainer.

The best is when they keep repeating THEMselves as if *I* am the one who is not getting it.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Unemployed, Please Help

I've been thinking about how excited I've been at all of the information I've received from the guy I met at the conference.

One of the schools has contacted me and hopefully something might become of it.

But the problem is: I don't want to be in this profession anymore.

When you're unemployed, any prospect or possibility of a job makes you happy, makes you feel hopeful.

Not to sound totally pessmistic, but hell, the job could suck really bad.

Of course I want stability and a steady paycheck. But I know if I really got this job, the day to day would set in eventually, and I'd wonder why I was so elated to even get the position in the first place.

Fuuuuck

For over a year, I've been driving my dad's car. It's under his name and I'm not on his insurance.

The worse thing I did was get a few parking tickets, most of which I paid him back for.

However, a couple of weeks ago I got my picture taken at a photo enforced light, going through a red. I swear, I don't normally go through red lights. In fact, my old best friend used to give me hell, because I usually slow down/stop at yellow lights.

I figured the ticket would show up in his mail, he'd be pissed, pay it, and that would be the end of the story.

Happily Ever After.

Instead, I find out that it's a moving violoation, which means he will either have to a) plead guilty, pay the fine and have it on his driving record, b) go to traffic school or c) plead not guilty and request a court date.

Now, he could do "c" and make me go and testify that I was driving. However, I think that might cause some major problems in terms of his insurance. "A" sucks because it'll go on his permanent driving record and "B" is kind of out of the question since he works so much.

I know he could do online driving school, but I hear that sucks.

I feel like shit and wish there was something I could do.

Shop Till You Get Sick And Tired of Walking Around In a Big Circle And Not Being Able To See Anything Anyway

A couple of months ago, I found a tidbit on a "shopping event" going on at Union Station through Gaper's Block.

I thought it sounded fun and girly (it WAS called Girl's Night Out: Spring Fling Fashion or something). A event I could enjoy with my gal pals. Oh and 5 hours of "complimentary" drinks. (I guess the whole $25 ticket cost had nothing to do with the alcohol).

After finally meeting with everyone, we proceeded to stand in a ridiculously long line, which was conveniently snaking around the roped off area where all of the OTHER people who managed to get there before us were sipping on Midori cocktails and perusing earrings, handmade cards and weird "sensual lotions".

We made it in around 20 minutes later and quickly went to retrieve the much coveted goodie bag we were promised with our advanced tickets.

Now, don't get me wrong, free is free and I like free. Except, I'm not quite sure what to do with the Vagisil, a Danielle Steele book, or the Maybelline nail polish in "desert sand".

After that, we bee lined it to the tables that were serving drinks. Two of my friends grabbed Amstel lights and me and another had cheap chardonnay. It went down easily, but had an unpleasant after effect.

It was crowded. So crowded that you couldn't see anything on any of the tables. And the tables you could see stuff on were the DOG SHAPED purses (purses made of very real looking dogs) or ugly picture frames.

We half heartedly tried to do a few laps around the place, but most of us sighed in disgust at $65 earrings. Instead, we grabbed one last drink and headed out for some much needed food. Seriously, who starts an event during the week at 5 p.m. and doesn't plan on the fact that most of us will be coming straight from our jobs where we didn't eat dinner? C'mon.

Then we were all faced with the sad reality that once the work day is over, downtown Chicago, more specifically the financial district, becomes desolate to the point of creepy. There were NO restaurants open, except for McDonald's, which we all vetoed even though I know we were on the brink of eating our own hands off. Finally, we discovered a pub called The Elephant & the Castle, which was jam packed with other girls from the event and a large after work crowd.

What did I take from this whole experience? I love my friends. I want to hang out with them more. But next time we can take our $25 and have dinner...preferably not downtown.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Kindness of Strangers, Part 2

So I did end up talking to my cousin's boyfriend's friend. He was really nice and very helpful. He even mentioned getting together when we come to visit for a drink.

Today I calld his girlfriend's sister's friend, the broker, and he too was extremely nice and helpful. He took down my information, said he'd send an email with listings the day before we come into town, and even set up an appointment (over a month away!).

Also, I was introduced to a guy at the conference I was at earlier in the week and in passing I mentioned I was moving to New York. He asked if I was looking for a job and I said "yes, actually, I am". So he offered to send my resume to some very important people, that just happen to be friends of his.

I emailed him as soon as I got home and today he emailed me to say he sent my resume and even went so far as to forward the responses he got from people.

Even if nothing comes of either situation, I feel a renewed faith in humankind. Seriously, two strangers have offered to go out of their way to help me.

I feel (exuse the word) blessed.

Cooking Fool

Last night I went to my first cooking class (thanks to a gift card from Boat for my birthday). At first, I was very intimidated. There were two couples, a group of women who came together and one lone guy. Eventually, two other women showed up and joined me and the guy, so we had a nice group.

One of the ladies at our table had been to numerous classes and the rest of us were newbies. I got a little nervous when the chef said "I think most of you have all been here before". Then he went on the describe our menu, all of which we'd be preparing OURSELVES. I started freaking out.

Was I going to look stupid? Shit, I mess up microwaving T.V. dinners! I thought this was going to help teach me, not throw me to the wolves!

But all went well. We made: roasted bbq chicken, poulet au vinegre, chicken kiev and chicken balsamico.

Each preparation utilized frying, baking, grilling and braising. I learned how to cut a whole chicken into pieces (though didn't actually try it). I learned how to butterfly a chicken breast. I got a recipe for a really simple salad (arugula, grape tomoates, parmesean cheese, lemon, olive oil and salt and pepper to taste). And I learned the joy of grapeseed oil.

It was fun and I think I'd like to go again, but maybe a demonstration class instead and perhaps with a friend.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Popularity

Sometimes when I go to these work conferences, I act a little snobby. Mostly because the median age for my occupation hovers around 45 and is dominated by women. I see everyone boozing it up and doing the Macarena and can't help but think I'm better than them.

Yet, I'm definitely not the most popular girl at these things.

I drove down with someone I've recently met through the industry. I've mentioned her before. She's just one of the nicest people I've gotten to know recently.

I'm not sure how it came up, but while we road down to the conference, we started talking about our experiences in junior high and high school.

It turns out both of us were bullied outcasts who will never forget the name of our offenders, even after all of these years.

Looking back, I don't really understand the whole concept of popularity. I mean, if you thought about it, a popular person should have lots of friends, THE MOST friends. They should be well liked. But if you thought about it, who liked the popular kids? Those fucking assholes who took every chance they got to make you feel small and unimportant. Those bitches who spread rumors and made fun of your clothes. I seriously doubt the majority of us LIKED them.

And yet they wielded all of this power. They somehow managed to make you think you should care about what they thought and what they did. One wrong look from them and you felt like a complete loser.

I met a really cool guy at the conference who said he cried everyday and didn't want to go to school because of the way he was treated. I retorted with the story of how for one whole summer I didn't want to step foot outside because I thought I might get beat up.

Maybe you've never experienced that kind of fear. But it's awful. It haunts you for the rest of your life. You become one of those people who DOES care what everyone thinks. You're trained to react this way.

At least there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Your whole life isn't junior high or high school. Real life is everything after that.

So to all of the Whitneys and Alices out there...FUCK YOU, I hope you're fucking miserable.