Monday, June 26, 2006

Last Few Hours in Chicago

I didn't sleep well last night.

Mostly nerves and worrying about Boat and our roommate driving the 16 foot truck to New York.

I spoke with him this morning and they are somewhere in Pennsylvania, 500 out of 800 miles to NYC.

My flight leaves in about 3 and a half hours. My ride will be here in about an hour.

I still need to feed the cat and slip him half of a Benedryl so he'll be calm on the plane.

Other than that, I have a small duffle bag filled with pajamas, a toothbrush and my purse.

The weather there is cloudly, high of 79.

Unloading shouldn't be TOO bad, except for the fact that we're on the fourth floor of a five floor walk-up.

But once the truck is returned and we start unpacking, I'll feel better.

I'm happy that I got to see most of my friends before I left.

And those I didn't, emailed or called to wish me luck.

It was also good to see my brother and say goodbye to my dad.

Mom is actually meeting us today to help unpack and watch the truck.

It's at this moment I'm so very grateful to her and to our roommate for helping us.

There is just no way Boat and I could have done this ourselves.

And I'm thankful to Boat, because I would have never been able to get up and move without him.

The blog will be changing soon. Email me at: bsweetbsour@yahoo.com in a few days, and hopefully I'll have a new link.

Keep in touch.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Missing This

I'll be leaving in a few hours.

No more of this place after three years.

I feel rather indifferent. I mean, I know I will miss some of my co-workers. The ones who made it tolerable to be here. The ones that made me laugh. The ones who let me vent. The ones who became my friends.

On the otherhand, I won't miss all of the bullshit. I won't miss the politics. And I won't miss certain people.

On top of this, I'm excited about starting over. Even if we are creatures of habit...even if I end up with some 9-5 job in the same industry and I come home to my boyfriend and my cat, it's still new and different. Maybe not better or more thrilling...just not the same.

So as I throw things away and say my goodbyes, I have to admit: I'm not all that sad.

Damn You NPR!!!

Around 10 p.m. or so, I like to head back to the bedroom to settle in for the night.

Since the T.V. in Boat's room only picks up the local stations, my choices are limited.

Sex and the City was over, so I found myself watching a documentary on WTTW.

It was about kids with cancer.

What I love about public television is how they do their best to present a story in its truest form. They do it by filming people being themselves, expressing their emotions and not having someone with a microphone coaxing out answers. It's footage of real people in real situations.

Most of these shows make me cry. I mean, what's more sad than children dying of cancer? What is more heart wrenching than watching a group of dedicated nurses and doctors telling the child's mother that he may not make it through the night, and would she be willing to agree they not resuscitate him if he stops breathing?

Not a whole helluva lot.

So that's why I say "damn them"...because I love their style, yet feel so depressed after watching.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I Never Can Say Goodbye

I didn't realize how much I suck at saying "goodbye" until recently.

I guess it's mostly because even though we are moving quite far, it's not as though I'm never going to see these people again.

It's more of a defense mechanism, a way to reassure myself that even though I won't be living in the same city as my friends, it's more of a "see you later" than a "goodbye".

Is this the last time you're going to see me? Sure..for several months maybe. And yeah, that makes me pretty sad. But I don't want YOU to be sad about it...really!

Time flies and soon the holidays will be here and we'll get together and catch up and it'll be great.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Finish That Thought

I can't bring myself to write a complete post.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few days and I'm just out of it.

Here are topics I was going to bring up, but can't seem to expound on:

1) How annoyed I am that the Heat won the NBA Championship. Sidenote: I am not impressed by Dwayne Wade

2) I thought this week at work would be a breeze, and since it's not, it's making me even happier I only have 2 1/2 more days.

3) The pet carrier I had to buy in order to fit airline regulations is super tiny and I feel horrible that I have to cram Salem into it for the flight. I'm also concered I won't be able to coax him in there tomorrow for the vet. Also, if the vet thinks the carrier is too small, I won't be able to bring Salem with me because ATA won't take pets into the checked luggage/cargo area anymore, which will totally defeat the purpose of me flying.

4) I should be packing more, but just haven't. I need to get packing paper so I can wrap our kitchen items up. Actually, I think we're a lot further than I think we are so should probably stop worrying.

5) I'm trying to imagine what I'm going to do in the city while I'm indefinitely unemployed. It's pretty hard to walk around a metropolitan area without spending money, which I'm in no position to do.

6) I think my co-worker is getting sick, so I keep thinking I too am getting sick because I keep sneezing. It's probably just my allergies acting up.

7) I feel like going on vacation.

8) I'd like to point out everything that's wrong with the show "How To Get the Guy", but that would be admitting I watch it and should therefore feel like a hypocrite to air my complaints.

9) Key Lime or French Apple? The Baker's Square final slice of pie decision rages on.

10) Is it cool or not cool for English speaking artists to sing in another language? Like, is it offensive that Beck uses a lot of Spanish in Guero? Because I think it sounds good, but maybe I wouldn't if I were a Spanish speaker.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Not Just Any Ol' Party

Several posts back I mentioned the person who hooked us up with our broker in NYC was my cousin's boyfriend's friend.

He seems really nice, as we have chatted on the phone, but we weren't able to meet him and his girlfriend back in May because our schedules didn't sync up.

Last night he sent me an email inviting us to a party, which we accepted and are awaiting details.

I'm kind of excited to have a social outing already lined up, but nervous, seeing as it, I've never met this guy and will obviously not know a single soul.

I know what I can expect when my friends here have parties. I'll usually recognize faces, or get a chance to talk with an acquaintence I haven't seen in awhile. I know what to wear (for the most part), and if I should bring something.

But this feels way out of my league. Mostly because I have no idea what kind of people are going to be there, and from what I do know, they seem quite social and "in the know".

When my cousin went to New York a few years ago, they went out with this guy and his girlfriend to expensive clubs, where they got in as VIP's and drank till the sun came up. I guess his girlfriend has some sort of media job that gets her in to all of the tres chic places.

This isn't exactly my scene and isn't really Boat's scene either.

I guess in my worst nightmare, we show up looking horribly Midwestern and awkward...kind of like John Cusack did in High Fidelity when he goes to the dinner party thrown by Catherine Zeta-Jones. And never get invited to another one of his parties again.

Though I suppose if we feel uncomfortable and out of place, we wouldn't be all that heartbroken over it anyway.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Binge and Purge

I actually packed a few things this weekend, mostly clothes and such. I'm fairly positive all I have left is kitchen and bathroom items. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

Boat loaded up tons of garbage bags for Goodwill, and there may be more.

I think we're both concerned that our stuff won't fit in the truck, but that's probably us being paranoid.

Right now, I'm fairly anxious and worried. Of course I'm excited about our move. But I won't feel comfortable until we're there and have settled in a bit.

There are still things going on this week, like Boat's cousin and her boyfriend staying with us two nights from Minneapolis to go to the Radiohead concert. I'm going to my favorite restaurant tomorrow with my cousin and aunt, trying hard to figure out exactly what I want to eat. Wednesday I'm doing an interview with a guy who's creating an independent film about Asian Americans in the media. Thursday I have to take Salem to the vet. Friday is up in the air, but I may have a drink after work. And Saturday my parents are having a going away party for us/graduation party for my brother.

Sunday we get the truck and start loading things up. I'll probably be packing up last minute items. Then Boat and our roommate will leave that night and I'll be meeting them on Monday.

Whew!

Most other things have been taken care of. Boat set up our utilities. I spoke with our super and told him when we'd be there. We just have to page him and he'll bring us the keys. I should be getting the carrier that Salem has to stay in (and fit under the seat on the plane) tomorrow. I feel bad that he'll be couped up in it and hope he doesn't freak. We still need to figure out how to close our bank accounts. Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. And we have to set up accounts in NY.

Oh, and I still don't have a job! Ha ha.

For whatever reason, I go back and forth between being perfectly fine with that scenario and freaked the fuck out.

But! We are doing this! All of our plans over the past several months are finally coming to fruition. It's crazy, but it's great.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Art Impaired

I had a great time at A.'s Craft Night. Her mom is so creative and has great ideas for projects.

I didn't realize a memory box was a shadow box, so mine ended up looking fairly juvenile.

All of the other girls had really ornate boxes, and A.'s mom had an amazing one.

I was a little nervous to go, only because this time I didn't know any of A.'s other friends. But they were all funny, smart and nice, which I should have just expected.

It was nice meeting new people. I laughed a lot, and that's always a good sign.

I'm really going to miss this.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Just Let It Be a Book

I don't read much these days. I feel rather lame, uneducated and lazy, especially when Boat is ripping through a book a week, sometimes more and read over 52 last year alone. Maybe he's a bookworm, but at least he has the willpower to get through a whole novel without getting distracted and unmotivate, much like me.

The thing is, even though I don't read a lot, I don't want books to be turned into movies. Not even books I think would make great movies, because that doesn't usually work out.

Plus, it just takes all of the imagination out of the story. It puts a face to a character I've already assigned a face to. It creates tangible scenery that I've already drawn in my head.

I'm kind of upset that they are filming "Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing" right now...with SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR AND ALEC BALDWIN. Shit, I'll probably go and see the movie if it gets good reviews, but c'mon...Buffy and that asshole who's always on SNL?

Even though I'm not a fan of Dan Brown, at least not in the sense that I've read anything other than "The DaVinci Code", I still think they did a piss poor job making the movie version. Tom Hanks looked as if he wasn't even trying to act, like he knew this was going to make lots of money, so why bother. Audrey Tatou (whom I love), was too young and there was no chemistry between the two characters. That's not even the half of it. I mean, the story wasn't nearly as exciting as the page turner novel.

I haven't seen Memoirs of a Geisha, but I don't want to either. The book was good and I'm just going to leave it at that.

I just wish they'd leave my favorite books as they are: books. I could get into a whole other post about how I'm positive there are a ton of original scripts out there that aren't even read, but that's for another day.

My Friend

I recently sent out a large group email, letting everyone know that I am officially moving and giving them my new address.

One of the recepients was a girl I met in college, a foregin exchange student from Japan, named Fumi.

I took her under my wing, like a new little sister, or pet puppy. I wanted to take her out to eat, do things she was interested in seeing, and basically, taking care of her...which I'm sure she didn't actually need me to do.

She came home with me over the holiday, marveled over how huge our house was (not huge at all, but by Tokyo standards, probably seemed enormous), ate lots of rice and thanked my parents profusely for letting her stay with us.

There were probably many things about each of our personalities that couldn't be conveyed because of the slight language barrier. To her, I probably seemed extremely nice and out going all of the time, which we all know, isn't really true. And to me, she seemed kind of quiet and overly polite, which is more about where she came from, and less about who she really was as a person.

She actually replied to my email, which I was so happy to receive. She's in design school in Tokyo and will graduate in March. She's dating one of her classmates and is sharing a flat with a friend.

Unfortunately, we'll probably only be able to scratch the surface of one another's lives in emails and letters.

But I'm looking forward to perhaps having a pen pal after our move, since she provided a home address.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

E-Music Vs. iTunes

My iPod playlist has gotten boring already. I scroll up and down through the artists and am tired of it after listening to two or three songs of a few albums. It seemed like a good idea to listen to Rage Agaist the Machine, but all of that anger and "motherfucker" usage just got old. Which really just means I AM OLD.

So I started compiling a list of songs I want. They are all outdated, and would make a teenager of today cringe at how I'm nine months behind the trend, and shouldn't I be sick of that track already. Well yes, technically, if I were sixteen and listened to B96 or Kiss 103.5 all of the time, I'd hate these songs. But I'm not, and I don't, so there you go.

Anyway, Boat has been pretty enthusiastic about his new E-music account, which lets you download 40 songs for $10 a month...roughly four albums. It only has artists from independent labels, but that's still a huge selection. Since he made it fairly clear that he thinks it best to NOT share an account (ahem), I'm debating whether or not to sign up.

The thing is, when I want to download music, it's usually pop/trend shit, like Sean Paul's "Temperature". I can just go to iTunes and download it, just like that. I'm not sure I could even come up with 40 songs a month from indie bands that I've never heard of. Plus, I can leave all that work to Boat, who will just dump everything into our shared iTunes playlist.

So yeah, I guess I've solved my dilemma.

In Limbo

Boat has been packing up a storm. He's even taken apart furniture.

I, on the otherhand, have been sitting my lazy ass down in front of the t.v., claiming I'm bored. I guess I'm just in the habit of moving by myself, taking it at my own pace. Plus, a lot of my stuff is already boxed up from my move back in March. Not to give excuses though.

I'm in this weird purgatory, where my life here feels like it should be chaotic, but instead, has been fairly lowkey. And my potential "new" life seems too far away and abstract for me to really focus on.

Work has unfortunately been the same. I'd have to say, I'm probably more excited about saying goodbye to this job more than anything. It's possible that I'll regret these feelings if I do end up staying in this field at another office, where my co-workers probably won't be nearly as cool.

In terms of money, I go back and forth between feeling the need to not spend a dime, to assuming I'll have a good paying job eventually. I should probably bet on the former, but my brain just won't function in that mode.

In new news, I'm going to be flying with Salem and meeting Boat and our soon to be former roommate at the new apartment. My parents offered to pay for my ticket and I think in the long run, it will be more comfortable in the truck for their long drive. I feel guilty flying, but I wasn't going to be driving, so I was just taking up room. Plus, I think it may be slightly less traumatizing for the cat. I keep justifying this in my head every time I imagine what it's going to be like for them to drive fourteen hours overnight, into Manhattan, and then have to move all of our stuff up four floors. Not. Fun.

I know I should probably be thinking of these last thirteen days as opportunities to do and see things, but I think the reality that I won't be here for long isn't really sinking in.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Break Up

As I waited for the Montrose bus to pick me up, I sat on a bench, listening to my iPod.

But no matter how loud I cranked it, I could not drown out the conversation of the girl sitting next to me, talking on her phone.

Apparently, they had had a not so great break up. She was going somewhere (perhaps his place of work?), to drop off his suitcase, full of his stuff.

She described what she was wearing to her friend, making note of the "cute sparkly tank top", etc. She was going to show up there and make him wish he had never left her.

If I wasn't meeting someone at the Sox game, I would have been tempted to follow her to watch this confrontation.

In some ways, as ridiculous as her end of the conversation sounded, I could relate.

A few years ago, I was dating someone who broke up with me. A month after this happened, I found myself walking around the Clark and Belmont area. I was about to catch a bus home, when I decided last minute, to hit up one more store.

As I approached the intersection, there he was...with another girl.

I was devastated, yet had the sudden urge to cross the street and say "hello".

He was definitely stunned. Sputtering, asking me how I was, telling me he liked my hat, just nonsense. I tried to stay cool and collected, but also as though I did not tap him on the shoulder to stand around and chat.

As I walked away, he called out saying he still had the Cubs tickets I had given him (yes, I bought him Cubs tickets a few days before he dumped me and gave them to him anyway...so he'd feel guilty) and said he still didn't have anyone to go with.

I wish at the time I would have said "why don't you take HER?!?", staring menacingly at his pretty, tall companion. Instead, I sort of shrugged my shoulders and said "see ya!".

As I turned the corner, I called my friend immediately relaying the entire story. I'm sure anyone passing me in the alley would have thought I was some insane girl...just as I did sitting on that bench waiting for the bus.

But maybe they too had their own break up story, the kind where they felt rejected and alone, angry, bitter and all around shitty. Hoping at that moment of contact, the person who hurt them felt bad...so bad for what they had done. Hoping they looked like a million dollars. And maybe even hoping that person would want them back.

Resurrected

My iPod died.

But Boat brought it back to life.

Now that we have a Mac and can use the nifty "fire wire", transferring songs from iTunes is a snap. Literally, a snap.

It took all of fifteen minutes to fill up about half of my gig space on my then reformatted (read: empty) iPod.

Scrolling through my new list of artists, I can't help but crinkle my nose. Not that I was on my way to some sort of music elitism, but I sort of thought my taste was a little more ecclectic/indie.

I remember a few years ago when the iPod first came out and one of the newspapers had this little section where they'd stop people on the street to ask them what they were listening to.

If that were still happening today, here are some of the things you might catch me rocking out to:

-Foo Fighters (self-titled)
-Sarah Maclachlan
-Sade
-Rage Against the Machine
-Cake

OR

-Tapes N'Tapes
-Calexico
-Pinback
-Ereland 0ye
-Outhud

OR

-Al Green
-Cathy Dennis
-Billie Holiday
-George Winston
-Seu Jorge

But that's the joy of this thing, isn't it?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Definitive Answer, Please

We've signed the lease. We've sent in all of the money.

So, do we have the apartment or what?

I'm waiting, rather impatiently, to hear from our broker. Of course, it's totally wrong of me to assume that he's just sitting around in his office waiting for our FedEx with everything. Because in truth, he's probably out showing other people apartments. That's his job.

But I want to know. I want to know FOR SURE, that we have this apartment, that we can get the keys, that all is said and done.

Because it's driving me insane that I can't tell anyone when we're actually moving, that I can't rent the truck, that I basically still feel like things are up in the air about this stupid apartment.

And the thing is, I may not know today, as much as I want to. I'm trying to refrain from calling him and seeing what's going on.

But I'll give him a few more hours.

T-Minus...

I'm not sure how well I'm doing on my list of things I wanted to do before I leave, but here's what I'm looking forward to so far:

1) Udupi Palace with the gals
2) Sox game with A
3) Tapas with C and L
4) Dinner with M & I
5) La Mora and the lake
6) Comp Day
7) Room 500
8) Last day of work (YESSS!!!)
9) Party in the A-L-G
10) Checking things off the list

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Better Left Alone?

I received an email this morning, a forward from a friend, about a guy in my high school class who apparently committed suicide.

I knew him fairly well. We had friends in common.

While his death saddens me, it was the original sender and recipient of the email that really has me reflecting.

Both of them are old friends. One who I had a major falling out with several years ago, all brought on by me. The other, my most recent best friend, who has cut of all contact. I've stayed away from both, feeling responsible for what happened to our friendships, either directly or indirectly.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to apologize...if that would even help at this point.

But I'm curious...curious about what's going on in their lives, what they've been up to since we last talked. I can't say that just because we haven't spoken that I've stopped thinking about them completely or that I don't care about them.

Yet, what right do I have to try and get back into their lives, even if just by way of a short email?

I'm not so much afraid that I'd have to confront what I did, or even say I'm sorry. I'm afraid that that would be too little, too late.

Monday, June 05, 2006

You Do It To Yourself, You Do, You and No One Else

There have been moments in the past few days, or rather, weeks, that I've wanted to have a breakdown. Moreso to relieve built up stress and frustration. I use the word "breakdown" with humor. In fact, saying it makes me think of a character on television who has a PSYCHOTIC breakdown. Those are the best.

There are two forces working together to drive me into an angry madness. One being work, two being New York.

One without the other wouldn't be so bad.

The thing is, every time I get nuts about it all, and vocally express this frustration, I feel unjustified, since the truth is, I've created this situation. No one is forcing me to try and move. No one told me I had to move by the end of this month.

But I am. And now that I am, all of this thinking about it, all of the things that are still up in the air (including our application...yeah, I don't want to get into it), is making work the most unbearable place to be of all time. I think I'd even prefer to sit in the dentist's office. Because everytime I want to blow something off, I can't. There's way too much I need to do before I leave here so that shit doesn't fall to pieces. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm THAT important. But honestly, one of my biggest responsibilities has to do with a lot of money...and that always gets people's panties in a bunch.

Plus the fact that I just have stuff lying around. Stuff I should have filed or organized, or made to look like I am neat and on top of things. I don't want to leave things in disarray for everyone to wonder what I've been doing for the last three years.

OK, so maybe I have spent way too much time online. But I don't want THEM to know that!

So once I stop thinking about apartment applications, leases, leaving this job forever, COBRA, rental trucks, boxes, packing, driving fourteen hours, moving in, money, finding a job, and adjusting to a new city where my boyfriend will be my only friend, I will stop writing these annoying posts.

Really.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Baby Steps

We have officially been approved for the apartment.

Yay!

We are only being charged a 10% commission fee instead of 15%.

Yay!

We were able to get our rent reduced by $25 a month since they are starting our lease on June 15th instead of July 1st.

Yay!

So...hopefully we'll have the lease in our hands by tomorrow. Since my dad is our guarantor, he also has to sign the lease. He's out of town until NEXT Saturday, so we'll have to FedEx it to him at his hotel. No big deal, I suppose.

Then we have to see when our roommate can get a few days off to help us with the move. (Yes, he actually agreed to do this.) This will also mean getting him a plane ticket back home.

Next, renting a truck and packing our stuff.

And of course last, but not least, finding a job. Boat may still have some type of work set up with his current employer because he can freelance (graphic design). He's also going to be working on a commissioned painting AND he was just asked by New York Times Magazine to provide a small illustration for one of their short stories. I'm so proud of him! Anyway, he has more in the way of work than I do, but I think it's good for me. I need this time to really figure out what I'm going to try and pursue once I'm there. I'm leaning further and further away from my current profession.

I finally feel like I'm seeing a tiny light at the end of this tunnel.